Apocalyptic Lawnmowers

The bagging lawnmower is an irrevocable sign of our impending doom. I am tempted to let you figure out the rest, but I would rather enjoy spelling it out.

The first and most obvious reason is that your lawn clippings should stay on your lawn as plant material to keep the soil rich enough to support life. Without it, you’re slowly murdering your lawn. That the vast majority of suburban drones don’t understand this basic principle of how the last pathetic artifact of nature left to them–the “lawn”–functions is staggering.

Furthermore, the fact that it is impossible to buy a new lawnmower without a bagger furthers the case for our impending doom. We are such stupid, brainwashed consumeristic sheep that we blindly accept that adding something to an everyday product makes it “better.” Even though it creates a helluva lot more work.

This will, of course, become a moot point when the impending energy crisis converts most lawns into vegetable gardens. Maybe we’ll use the bag to hold the ears of corn we’re picking.

3 responses to “Apocalyptic Lawnmowers”

  1. Haha, so true. When I bought my house it came with a lawn sweeper to pull behind the tractor, which is meant to pick up the grass clippings after you have mowed the grass clippings into neat rows. I use it to pick up leaves in fall, saves me a ton of time.

  2. that chick: The link isn’t working for me, but I’m guessing you were linking to a push mower. If so, agreed.

WordPress Default is proudly powered by WordPress

Entries (RSS) and Comments (RSS).