I handed in my notice of resignation at my job today in preparation for my rapidly approaching trip to Europe. No matter how many times I’ve done it, handing in a resignation always makes me excited. New vistas, new possibilities, poverty… Well, the last one’s not that attractive.
As my mind always does, I got to thinking of how this excitement could apply to life in general. Suddenly I was struck with a thought (it didn’t hurt too much) and the following happened:
Dear Spirit of this Age
I am writing this letter to give notice of my resignation, effective immediately, as your slave. As you have breached our contract in many ways throughout the years, I am not granting you the customary two weeks notice.
My time in your employment (dare I call it that?) was, in a word, terrible. There was a constantly repeated pattern of unfulfilled promises and shattered dreams that characterized my time in your employ. Perhaps I will offer an example.
I was often told that money would make me happy and contented. And yet, I never had enough of it. I was always promised that it was just around the corner. All I needed was to work a little harder, invest a little better, etc. Well, I must say that the more I pursued money, the more miserable and anxious I was. Big promises, no delivery.
Now, where else could I look for these broken promises? Casual sex, drugs, the latest consumer good, the right body; the list could go on and on. You constantly told me with your flashy ads and your persuasive logic that all the things I was doing to be happy were going to give me a grand life.
It was at this point that I received a job offer from the competition. I must say, the compensation was not what I was used to–what good are “treasures in heaven,” really?–but I figured that I’d look into it a bit further. They informed me that my contract with you was for life, no matter how often you broke it, so I needed to die in order to come work for them. These were strange terms, but as I was determined to cease my employment with you, I decided to take the plunge and “lose my life to find it.”
I must say, their advertising isn’t flashy, but working for the Kingdom of the Heavens is sure great. On my first day, I was promoted to the top! Well it’s the bottom, which is the top, but we’re all levelled out now. I’m no longer afraid or anxious, I have peace like I’ve never known, and I didn’t have to buy it or work for it! In fact–and I know you’ll just hate this idea–they just gave it to me. I was so surprised, it killed me. Really.
So, I’m off to pilfer more of your employees–slaves, really–to come and work for us. Our work environment is exhilarating, and our retirement package absolutely trounces your silly little RRSPs.